Is there life after death? I hope so. But just what would it be like? What would be the point of it? The standard concept of Mid-Eastern / Western monotheism is that Heaven is a place of eternal reward for those who have earned it here on earth. According to some strains of Islam, Heaven is the place where each good man will find 72 black-eyed virgins awaiting him (“houris” in the Quran). Heaven is eternal sex, in other words; all of the pleasure and none of the guilt. Unfortunately, this bit of hadith (a tradition relating to the sayings or actions of The Prophet) has been getting twisted around into an argument for suicide terrorism lately.
Christians and Jews usually don’t think of Heaven as an eternal orgy (although Song of Songs in the Hebrew Bible does spice things up a bit). However, some of their concepts of the afterlife are just as immature. In a new book called A Travel Guide to Heaven, Anthony DeStefano provides a popular Catholic perspective (the book did get a bishop’s imprimatur) of what awaits the saints. DeStefano’s heaven will be a place much like earth, and the souls there will have bodies, albeit bodies that aren’t so high-maintenance (thus there won’t be much for doctors to do but play golf). Will our favorite pets be waiting there for us, all bright eyed and bushy-tailed or bushy-feathered? You bet. Heaven won’t be a timeless stillpoint of mystical contemplation; “books will be written and read, public structures will be built and utilized.” There will be banquets of pasta and red wine. Once in a blue moon you will get the thrill of meeting the Big Guy, sort of like going to a black-tie affair where the Governor will attend and you get to shake his hand. I’d bet that God the Father always wears an outstanding tux, and his hair is perfect. Probably gives a great after-dinner speech too.
To sum it up, “Heaven is dynamic. It’s bursting with excitement and action. It’s the ultimate playground, created purely for our enjoyment, by someone who knows what enjoyment means, because He invented it. It’s Disney World, Hawaii, Paris, Rome and New York all rolled up into one. And it’s forever! Heaven truly is the vacation that never ends.” In other words, you can’t go home again.
(Ironically, the World Trade Center is shown on the promotional web site for Travel Guide to Heaven, in the Rest In Peace? Not! section.)
Arg. I myself hope that George Bernard Shaw is right in his description of Heaven in Don Juan in Hell. According to Shaw, Heaven would be a rather boring place for people like Mr. DeStefano. It would be a place where time both stops and proceeds (a huge contradiction here on earth, but this is the after-life). The clocks will stop ticking in the eternal contemplation and reunification with the One, i.e. in the presence of God. But spirits in Shaw’s heaven will also participate in the temporal realm as well. They will carry out continuing work assignments in order to “help the cause of the life force”. In other words, they will stay involved with the imperfect realm from which they came, trying in unseen ways to make things better, to support truth and goodness whenever and where ever it rises from the muck. Perhaps this is what angels are truly all about.
According to legand, Don Juan was dragged down to Hell by the great statute of Ana’s father. But in a twist on fate, Hell turned out to be just like DeStefano’s Heaven (except that the man in the tux is you-know-who; but the Devil is certainly a gentleman, so one could hardly tell that he isn’t whom Mr. DeStefano would have expected). According to Shaw, Juan eventually gets bored of “the vacation that never ends” (a potential problem that DeStefano addresses by promising tours of Saturn and the Milky Way). Don Juan walks away from it all and finds his way to the real Heaven. There are no guards at the gates to either Hell or Heaven, and anyone can come and go as they please. But as you might expect of a Heaven that is both eternal contemplation and a regular desk job, traffic is light.
If Shaw’s paradigm of the afterlife is correct, then Hell is really what the old-time Catholics used to call “Purgatory”, and there is no eternal place of fire and brimstone having a red man with a forked tail holding a pitchfork. Hell is actually a place where you go to grow up, where you reach spiritual maturity, where you get beyond the “ultimate playground” of earth-like pleasures. Only when you are ready, as Don Juan finally was, do you voluntarily enter the place of true oneness with the ultimate, and then work to bring the force of life closer to that ultimate.
Hopefully, the 72 black-eyed virgins eventually get to go too.