About ten years ago, I got interested in monasticism — you know, monks and monasteries. At the time I was still trying to be part of a mainstream Christian congregation, but I didn’t really feel at home in it. So I took a look at monasticism.<\/b> The monastery seemed like a place I could relate to — lots of quiet and solitude. I thought it was a radically introverted kind of religion. Being a radically introverted kind of person, I felt drawn to it.<\/p>\n
Up to that time, I didn’t know much at all about monks. But one day by chance I read an excerpt from Frank Lentricchia’s<\/b> biography, “The Edge of Night”. Mr. Lentricchia is a middle-aged scholar at Duke University (the NY Times called him \u201cthe Dirty Harry of contemporary literary theory\u201d — if you can imagine that). As far as religion goes, he is a dedicated agnostic and wants nothing to do with the Catholicism of his youth. However, he was drawn to visit a Trappist monastery in South Carolina after a colleague mentioned it. After that visit, he still didn’t want to go back to the Church. But he did go back to the monastery again, as it hit a nerve in him. His article likewise hit a nerve in me. So I got some books by Thomas Merton,<\/b> which hit some more nerves in me. Both Merton and Lentricchia were cynical, worldly literary scholars who didn’t see much point in everyday religion. Unlike Lentricchia, Merton found the Trappists earlier in his life and took the bait. Merton spend the balance of his life at the Gethsemani Abbey south of Louisville. However, because of his restlessness and brilliance, he still had a world-class literary career. Merton died in 1968 during a visit to Thailand, far from his hermit’s cabin in Kentucky.<\/p>\n
Inspired by all of this, I set out on a monastic journey. I tried to get close to it. But it turned out to be something that I just couldn’t get my arms around. I bought a bunch of books written about monks and by monks, about their history, about their current doings (or non-doings, in the case of prayerful hermits), and about their rule — the Rule of Saint Benedict.<\/b> And I started visiting monasteries. Over the next 5 years, I made about 10 retreats at a variety of monasteries along the East Coast. I also started attending some of the prayer services at a local Benedictine monastery (attached to a Catholic high school). I was indeed looking for a home, as Merton had found. If that didn’t work out, I’d at least like to find a place to go, as Lentricchia had found in South Carolina.<\/p>\n
After five years, it was pretty clear that I just wasn’t going to find such a place, neither a home nor a home away from home. I tried to reach out to the monks at the places I visited, but the conversations never caught on. For whatever reason, I just didn’t seem to fit into the roles that seem to interest the monks. One role would be a potential postulant, someone that wants to join up. Obviously, there aren’t many people who want to live celibate lives inside a monastery these days, so if the monasteries are going to avoid dying off, they need to take seriously everyone who might have such a calling. But I was trying to sniff out the vibes before I would lead anyone on. And the vibes just weren’t what I had hoped they would be.<\/p>\n
One problem was St. Benedict\u2019s Rule itself. Hey, I could see giving up sexuality and even property ownership in return for a communal life engaged in spiritual growth. But I couldn’t see tying myself to a Rule written in the Dark Ages that called for strict obedience to an abbot and allowed physical beatings as methods of discipline. The monks of today defend their rule quite vigorously, citing its staying power. And they do indeed interpret it so as to avoid its harshest provisions. But I never felt comfortable with their gloss-overs.<\/p>\n
During my visits, I also avoided posturing myself as a devout Catholic (actually, Episcopalian — I was in my Episcopalian phase, and in fact two of the ten monasteries I visited were Episcopal — the others of course were Catholic). I tried to be honest — I’m just a sojourner, a guy looking for something deeper. I don’t know why, but it generally made the people that I talked to uncomfortable. I really didn’t want to make them uncomfortable, but I did. I got the same thing when I went to a quasi-monastery run by the Quakers<\/b> (Pendle Hill outside of Philadelphia). The Quakers are by design quite a bit different that the Episcopalians and Catholics, but they still seem to demand some sign of institutional loyalty.<\/p>\n
I guess that was my problem with these places — they were very institutional, at bottom. You knew you were in a Roman Catholic establishment, or an Episcopal establishment, or a Quaker establishment. I was looking for something a little more on the edge. Hey, not that I have anything against establishments. I’m sure not trying to overthrow any of them. But I just thought there was a little more room to push the envelope. And there wasn’t. Maybe I got there too late. Maybe back in the 60’s, people were pushing the envelope all over the place. By the 90’s, I guess that people weren’t.<\/p>\n
If you read Robert Pirsig’s<\/b> second book, Lila (Pirsig of course was famous for Zen and Motorcycle Maintenance<\/b>), you know that he spends a lot of words explaining the difference between dynamic quality and static quality. He doesn’t condemn static quality, but pretty clearly he likes dynamic quality better — it’s where the action is. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find much dynamic quality in the monasteries that I visited.<\/p>\n
You might ask, well, what did I expect? Those places are inherently stodgy. Yes, that certainly seems to be true, but once upon a time it wasn’t. Monasticism started out as a protest against a Christian church that was becoming too stodgy and established. Merton certainly thought it could still be a place where social change was fomented (Merton got involved with the racial justice and anti-Vietnam war movements back in the 60s). There are still some monks today who write books and give talks about social and religious change.<\/p>\n
But I just couldn’t find any traces of such sentiment. For now, I have some financial commitments that preclude any monastery visits (you do have to pay for your lodgings, and of course your expenses in getting there — it’s like any other vacation trip). But at some point, I hope to return to some of the places I visited, e.g., Weston Priory<\/b> in Vermont and Genesee Abbey<\/b> outside of Rochester, NY, and try out some new places. I won’t be looking for a home next time around. But a few days out in the woods, attending beautiful prayer services and taking long walks, gazing at the stars before attending the pre-dawn vigils, could still do me some good.
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