When I was a kid, I was a frequent victim of bullying. You could say that I graduated from the school of bullying (on the wrong end of the lessons). That’s not too surprising, given that I was a a skinny runt (still am, only weigh 130 lbs.), the town was a working-class blue-collar suburb, and I was (and still am) a bit of an “Aspie” (a person with a certain lack of human relationship facility). I had to endure a goodly amount of scoffing and even some physical abuse from the guys who were bigger, cooler and meaner, right through junior year of high school. It got to the point where I couldn’t ride the bus to high school; I walked the mile and a half each way, whatever the weather. For whatever reason, I had a pretty good senior year (and I had a car too; no more walking in the snow).

As an aside, I remember that the bullying ran in cycles. I could go three, four or even five months and be left alone, then it would start up for a string of days, sometimes weeks or even months (on-and-off). It sort-of reminds me of what I had read about the Roman Empire’s persecution of the early Christian communities in the Second and Third Centuries CE. For whatever reason, the Emperors would give the Christians a streak of martyrdom years, and then ignore them for awhile. But in the long run, the Christians survived. I’m not saying that my cause as a young student was quite as noble, but like the early Christians, I also survived my own little persecutions.

However, a female high school student in the white affluent suburb of South Hadley, Massachusetts was not so lucky. Yes, I’m talking about the Phoebe Prince suicide case, where nine students were recently charged with assault and harassment following her death. I can’t really comment on the particulars of the case. But I am glad to see that society is taking the issue seriously. And at the same time, I’m rather dismayed to read about what Ms. Prince and other kids have to go through these days. When I was a kid subject to bullying, it was generally clear that the big guys mostly wanted to humiliate me and have a laugh about it (although one guy wanted money; I soon learned how not to be in the same hallway alone with him, and saved a lot of money as a result). But now, the kids seem more vicious; they seem to be going for permanent injury. (Not to mention the higher incidence of teen drug abuse and suicide in places similar to where I came from).

If I had the choice of going to school today, when teachers and parents are willing to help a kid when the bullies come after him or her, versus back in my time when the adults turned their backs but it wasn’t as vicious (in most places), I think I’d stick with what I had. As every person who reaches my age eventually says, “gee whiz, these kids today . . .” Most of the time we’re remembering things in a different light from what they really were. But after hearing about Phoebe Prince, I wonder if we’re not too far off this time.

AUTISM AND PARENTING: Well, maybe I should quit while I’m ahead. But in lamenting how things have changed so much since I was a kid (generally for the worse), I can’t help but notice how big the autism issue has become. Autism rates for American children seem to have gone up quite a bit over the past few decades. Some people say this is because we are now more sensitive to the issue, and have better ways of detecting it. Other people think it might be due to vaccine preservatives which include mercury (a number of scientific studies have disproven this theory). There’s another theory about sunlight exposure, how less sunshine may increase the risk of a child manifesting clinical level autism (with some rough empirical support, when you compare autism rates in southern versus northern climates).

And then there’s my theory. Which has to do with parenting (and maybe a little bit with sunlight too). I honestly don’t think that the average kid today gets the same level of parenting quality that we did when I was a kid. I’m not saying that parents today are slackers; people love their kids as much as ever. But they do face tougher economic and social conditions. Average wages are lower, costs of living are higher, divorce and single parenting are more common, and too many kids go back and forth between mothers, fathers, grandparents, aunts, and other household situations during their formative years. Given all of these pressures, kids can’t help but be affected, however strong the parental urge is to protect them from the storms of life. (There is an estimate in some psychological literature that the divorce rate for parents of autistic children is approximately 80%, but it doesn’t seem to be backed up with strong empirical verification.)

I’m not an expert in autism; I’m obviously way out of my depth here. I don’t have solid facts. But for the sake of a hypothesis, I can’t help but wonder if the long-term rising rates of autism reflects a situation whereby many kids having a borderline genetic propensity toward autism fall apart when their family life gets bumpy; whereas the same kids might hang together and progress almost normally within a stable, caring two-parent household.

As I said before, I myself seem to have many of the signature characteristics of Asperger Syndrome. And I still have problems in relating to people and making friends (and lets not even talk about romantic relationships). But overall, I have still led a more-or-less useful and productive life. I have been gainfully employed for most of my “middle years”. I don’t suffer chronic depression or other psychological maladies.

And for that, I truly believe that I have my late mother and father to thank. They had their occasional problems, but overall they provided a warm, caring and dependable environment for my brother and me. Even if the kids at school were on my back all day, I knew without doubt that my mother and father still loved me. And even though they are both gone now, there’s something of what they gave me that remains, a strong psychological foundation that supports me even when I can’t get in synch with people around me. Without that support – I shudder to think what my life might have been like.

Unfortunately, we’re not living in the world of the late 50s and 60s, when the average couple (without college education) could afford a nice home in a decent neighborhood, where the wife could stay home to keep an eye on the kids. And where most other families in the neighborhood did the same, so that a mother could let her 8-year old play alone in the backyard or let her 10 year old roam about on his or her bike. That trusting world is gone. Kids seem to spend more time indoors now (thus bringing in the sunlight-connection hypothesis?). And their parents stuggle a whole lot more to make ends meet for them – while being encouraged by society to find their own personal fulfillment, not to be “sucked into the vortex of suburban 1950 values”.

I suspect it would be politically incorrect for a university research team to check out this hypothesis regarding autism manifestation. I suggested it the other night at our local Socrates Café meeting, and it was met with immediate disdain; I guess it seemed to Republican, too focused on “old-fashioned patristic American family values”. Montclair is an enlightened, deconstructionist kind of place, as are most educational institutions. The emphasis now is on genetics; there’s only so much we can do, only so much that we can be held responsible for.

I will admit that there were a lot of things wrong with the world that I grew up in, e.g. the social and economic limitations on women, gays and people of color. And yes, we are living in such tumultuous economic times that even if I were right (or partly right, as is more likely the case), there wouldn’t be much that we could do to go back to how things were back then. And yea, science does have a case that certain things about ourselves are beyond control because of genetics (sexual preference may well be a part of that). But still – I will defend that idea that warm, caring and stable households are the gold standard for bringing up kids, and that autism manifestation and severity would both decline if every kid could be guaranteed the kind of upbringing that I was fortunate enough to have had.

TOO CONTROVERSIAL? SO LET’S TALK ABOUT THE WEATHER: It’s finally spring here in northern NJ, another winter seems to have passed. What I really noticed this past winter was the wind. Why does the wind have to blow so hard on the coldest or snowiest days? Where is that wind in July and August when you need it, when the hot, muggy air can be sliced with a knife?