I’m a person with Aspergers Syndrome in my life. I’m not 100% sure that I would be diagnosed with Aspergers under the DSM IV guidelines (the diagnostic bible of the psychology profession). Sorry, but I don’t have the $$ to diddle around with shrinks regarding something that can’t be changed one way or the other, and which many shrinks themselves don’t understand too well. I’ve taken some of those web-site tests and the results generally put me in a twilight zone between Aspergers and “neuronormal” (aka “neurotypical”). E.g., on the “Aspie Quiz” site, my outcome is “You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits”. Nonetheless, there’s a lot about Aspergers Syndrome that rings a bell with me and my life. So, I’m at least a “half-Asp”. Aspergers is a part of my life, one way or another.

There are a lot of books out now about Aspergers, mostly about what to do with kids who seem to be going the Aspie route. But there are more and more titles on the experiences of adult Aspergers too, and I think that’s a good thing. I have read some of these, and again, they do “ring a bell” with some of my own life experiences.

So, it looks like it’s too late for me to write “my life story as a sort-of Aspie” and get in on the book parade (unless a market opens up for “twilight zone” Aspies). But I still have some things to say about the whole Aspie issue, so I’ll say them here. They are as follows:

1.) I side with those who say that Aspergers is an alternative world view and coping strategy, and not a social or psychological pathology. I think that Aspergers in and of itself is a GOOD way of living. Aspies who manage to maintain good psychological health are basically honest, non-assuming, forthright, non-manipulative, and enthusiastic about what gets their interest. They look for deep patterns in things; they retain a child-like wonder and fascination with the world. They value substance over appearance. They don’t assume that you can read their minds, and so they explain things. Perhaps in too much detail. But they want to foster understanding and clarity in the world. Personally, I’m proud of having Aspergers in my life.

2.) Unfortunately, most people are not like this, so Aspies have a hard time of it. Thus, Aspies are subject to a lot of anxiety, neurosis and depression. Many Aspies don’t do so well. Many live lonely lives (tell me about it!). The mating and intimate relationship game is pretty tough for most Aspies; some just never find anyone to love (or if they do, it doesn’t last long).

3.) So, the biggest problem for Aspies is COLLATERAL DAMAGE. Being an Aspie means that you are basically drawn to good ways of living, an inherently positive view of existence and all creation. BUT, given all the crap that can happen to Aspies (like bullying while in school – I learned about that the hard way), it’s hard not to fall into psychological malady, maybe even into evil (some say that Hitler was an Aspie).

4.) Thus, it would be easy for Aspies to take a bad attitude toward society, given the way that they are treated by it. Hopefully, awareness of Aspergers is growing and over time, America will thus become a kinder and gentler place for Aspies. But up to now, it sure hasn’t. Even a “half-Asp” like me knows that by cold experience.

5.) But I recommend that Aspies take the higher road with the neuronormal society that surrounds them. I say that an Aspie should utilize their prodigious analytical talents to study neuronormals and find out what makes them tick. The typical Aspie will soon figure out what the “normals” want. I.e., emotional acknowledgment and engagement – they crave this, even though they won’t openly admit it (for fear of seeming “soft” and vulnerable).

6.) With that info and understanding, an Aspie should learn how to give neuronormals what they secretly want so badly. It shouldn’t be too hard for the typical Aspie to fashion a “normal human interaction emulator” in his or her mind, and use it at work, with family, at the supermarket, where ever and whenever dealing with the masses. I myself have learned (mostly by closely observing my neurotypical brother) how to smile, how to vary my vocal intonations in a non-threatening way, how to recognize and laugh at their little jokes. I say to you Aspies, why not try to be “of service” to the needy neurotypical world around us. Take the high road (and not without a bit of well-deserved condescension!).

7.) And in doing so, life will become somewhat easier for an Aspie; it’s good to make a neurotypical person happy with sports talk or celebrity talk, whatever. (They don’t call it “small talk” for nothing.) They’re really quite child-like, so it doesn’t take all that much to make them happy. It feels good to see neuro-typical people happy; and it also feels reassuring when they like you, as they can get so nasty and dangerous when they don’t.

So those are my “seven steps” for coping and having a meaningful life amidst a world that doesn’t understand you, if you are one of the 1 out of every 500 or so people who have Aspergers. And don’t forget: don’t give in to the collateral damage – keep on fighting it! As an “Aspie”, you are an inherently good person, probably “gooder” than the average neurotypical person – so never stop believing in yourself!

PS: Just as a review, here is a “nutshell” review of Aspergers, from a neurotypical perspective: Asperger Syndrome is a behavioral and psychological condition that makes it relatively difficult to connect emotionally with other people. It involves restricted and repetitive patterns of behavior, deep interest in the details and structures of a few particular subjects (e.g. astronomy, computers, highway networks, etc.), physical clumsiness, and atypical use of language and humor. People with this syndrome may be able to show a theoretical understanding of other people’s emotions; however, they typically have difficulty acting on this knowledge in fluid, real-life situations. They often exhibit impaired nonverbal behaviors in areas such as eye contact, facial expression, posture, and gesture. They have repetitive behaviors and habits, both in terms of lifestyle (eating preferences, time to get up and go to sleep, kinds of clothes worn) as well as in “tics” such as hand-wringing or rocking back and forth. Brain imaging techniques have not identified a clear common pathology. Some researchers and people with Asperger’s have advocated a shift in attitudes toward the view that it is a difference, rather than a disability that must be treated or cured.

(Mostly from Wikipedia.)