Not too long ago, I found out about Aspergers Syndrome. I came across some articles in the New York Times (4/29/04 and 5/9/04), and they struck a nerve. Some of the symptoms sounded close to home — especially the feeling that many PWAS’s (“People With Aspergers Syndrome”) have of belonging to another world: the “whoops, wrong planet” syndrome. I’ve definitely toyed with that notion!
Still, the emotional distancing and insensitivity typical of Aspergers didn’t sound like me. I’m generally empathetic, and can usually pick up on other people’s feelings and sympathize with them. At least to the degree that those feelings are expressed through language and sound. I also express my own feelings rather well through audio — I use voice modulation extensively, as opposed to the flat eloqution that typifies many “Aspies”. Really! Also, I’m not a victim of routine, another Aspergers characteristic; OK, I’m not exactly a ‘wild and crazy guy‘, but I can appreciate a new perspective and a different road thru the forest as much as the next guy.
But as to the non-verbal forms of social signal-sending, e.g. body language, eye contact — admittedly, I don’t do very well with those things. And yes, I can be a bit clumsy, which many Aspies are — it was months before my parents could safely remove the training wheels from my bike when I was a kid. Parallel parking was a problem for me until I took a cue from the movie Star Wars — let go, let THE FORCE back you into that space. But despite such Jedi enlightenment, I still walk into doors at times. I never did learn to dance, despite various attempts — my mind was just not made to gracefully coordinate my body movements with someone else’s. I never could reach that subconscious “mutual flow” that dancers experience so effortlessly (and what makes dancing so romantic).
As to the obsessive interests in complex systems that people with Aspergers and other autistics usually develop (Aspergers being termed a “high functioning” form of autism) — I suppose I’ve had a few. But somehow, obsessions don’t last with me. I usually lose interest in whatever topic I found irresistable only a few months or years ago — just ask my ex-wife! I’ve maintained an overall interest throughout my life in scientific, technical and analytical things; but just because you like science or have a hobby doesn’t mean that you have AS.
Being a researcher, I did some web surfing on the Aspergers wave. I was especially interested in the stories of people with Aspergers. What were “PWAS’s” like, I wondered. How was I like them, and how did I differ? As I read the stories, I again saw both similiarities and differences. Based on the similarities, I wondered if should I make a “self dx“, as many participants on the Aspie boards say. Given that there ain’t much that an adult PWAS can do, I didn’t see much sense in paying a professional shrink to examine me. I’ve got a lot better things to do with my money these days.
I looked for help from the official DSM IV definition, but forget about that. Anyone could be diagnosed under such an amorphous standard (which obviously helps drum up business for shrinks!). I found a couple of on-line surveys, and the one I liked (even before I took it) was the Cambridge Systemising and Empathy Quotients. You can check them out at the Manchester Guardian web site: http://www.guardian.co.uk/life/news/page/0,12983,937443,00.html.
How did I do? Well, I was a little bit biased toward high-systemic and low-emphathy thinking, but on the whole I’m still in the “normal” range and well out of the Aspergers territory. So, I’m not an Aspie, not a member of the PWAS. Phew!
A lot of people find it a relief to be diagnosed with Aspergers — I guess it gives them a psychological crutch for their failings in life. But for me, the price is too high. Aspergers is increasingly seen by shrinks as a physiological condition, a question of untypical brain wiring that probably has genetic origins. As such, the grand poobahs of psychology decided during the 90s to classify Aspergers as a form of Autism; they describe it as being “on the Autism spectrum“.
I really wonder if that taxonomy is helpful, even though it’s now accepted in the mental health field. Yes, PWAS’s share various symptoms with autistics, especially the overall problems with socialization. But then again, people with allergies share many symptoms with SARS victims. Nevertheless, most physicians wouldn’t put allergies and SARS together on a “resperatory spectrum“. Each of these conditions needs to be recognized and treated individually. And I get the feeling that the shrinks would do well to do the same thing for Aspies. I myself wouldn’t want to be termed an autistic; I just don’t think that my own social difficulties would be clarified by comparing me with autistic individuals having multiple, intertwined issues (language problems, cognitive impairments, emotional disfunctions, etc.) And I get the feeling that many Aspies would likewise benefit from a fresh view of their condition.
From the descriptions of what Aspergers Syndrome is and what PWAS’s are like, I would diagnose myself as NOT having the condition (as confirmed by the Cambridge tests). Despite my own problems with non-audable, connotative social signals and technical interests, my behavior does not reach the “oddness level” typical for Aspies. Hey, I’m not very outgoing, but I ultimately do care about how people feel. I do have a sense of humor, and I even know enough to laugh even when I don’t think someone else’s joke is all that funny.
But then again, I do share the typical AS confusion about non-verbal signalling and unspoken social interaction rules. And that leads me to believe that I share some genes with the typical Aspie. And that further leads me to believe that a lot of the rules and presumptions of social interaction between humans is genetically defined. Wouldn’t that be interesting if it proves to be true? When two or more are gathered, even if they’ve never seen each other before, even if they come from totally different parts of the world, even if they speak totally different verbal languages, there remains a common and surprisingly complex “sub-language” transmitted by stances, facial expressions, eye contact, tone of voice, etc.
Amazing … but when you think about it, it almost has to be true. If it didn’t exist, then how did Europeans and Asians and Amerindians and Africans ever start teaching each other their verbal languages after they first made eye contact? How did they find enough common ground to learn each other’s words and syntax? How did they establish enough rapport to put up with each other, despite all the strangeness of different skin colors, body builds, hair types, etc.? There must have been a lot of unspoken things going on to have kept everyone from just running for the hills or pulling their weapons.
However … if you had an Aspie and a “neurotypical” from different continents meet for the first time, then this common “sub-language” would not exist. Who knows if they’d ever be able to talk, not to mention dance!