GOOD FRIDAY BLUES: Here’s my biggest problem. Some people find a place in life where they fit in; things go their way, they achieve a good reputation, they make a contribution to the world, they work hard, they have collegues and friends, they find the right husband or wife (e.g., those married couples you sometimes hear about who are both professors in a given field, who write books together, like the Bergers in Sociology), etc. Even a garbageman who fits in will feel good and get promotions and find friends in his world and a wife who fits in with that world. The rest of us struggle and bungle and lose jobs and get divorces and sometimes get nasty and steal or cheat or whatever to get by, or hold it in and get sick or cancer or whatever.

We all want to give something to the world. I really do believe in the phrase “give to live”. But the problem is, often the world asks us for what we don’t have, and disregards what we do have to give. For most of my own insignificant life, in most of the work and social situations I’ve been in, I’ve been asked to be an extrovert, to be ambitious, to be good with kids, to be highly sociable, to get enthused about little things, and to provide leadership. But I’m just not that kind of person. I’m an analyst, an introvert, a seeker of wisdom, and a solitary person, although I still do care about people (don’t want to see anyone get hurt). I wanted to think and analyze, but I didn’t want to just be a scientist or professor or mathematician or computer programmer. I wanted some greater connection with the senitent side of humanity, but without getting overwhelmed by humans. And in looking for the best of both worlds, I got lost.

Oh well … Dem’s the breaks. A lot of other people have got it a lot tougher, I know. Just a little bit maudlin tonight, that’s all.