Back in the 80s when I was married, I used to go hiking and camping quite a bit. I didn’t do much outdoor stuff when I was growing up or in college, but after I met my ex, I made up for that; she was a big fan of Mother Nature. After she had gone her way, I kept on journeying into the woods looking for solace. And sometimes I found it.

There are lots of wonderful moments waiting for the intrepid soul who gets past the Disneyland zone and out into the true woods (on just about every hiking trail here in the northeast, the first mile from a parking area is littered with cans and other debris — that’s as far as most people get). You can find dramatic scenes like waterfalls and mountain vistas, but once you calm down a bit, you can start to appreciate the little things like birds singing, tiny flowers and sunlight in the trees. That’s when it gets really good, when you get into the contemplative mode.

Unfortunately, the wonder of it all doesn’t last. At some point, physical exertion becomes the main event. Sometimes it starts raining, sometimes the mosquitoes find you, and sometimes your eyes suddenly focus on the movement of a snake (I’ve encountered a few rattlers, and I will say one thing — they weren’t nearly as dastardly as their reputation goes. They usually warn you in plenty of time to avoid them, and then wait to see what you intend to do. If you give them some respect, they seem entirely willing to live and let live). In the summer, you need to watch for deer ticks and think about heat exhaustion. If it’s winter, you have to start heading back to the car at around 2 so as to avoid darkness and hypothermia. And now there are bears to worry about, given the rapid growth of the black bear population and their loss of fear of humans. On one mid-day hike not too long ago, I saw three bears — one at an uncomfortably close range.

So, I don’t get out in the woods all that much these days. Not that I’ll never go back again, but the child-like magic of it all is gone (or maybe never really was). Nature, along with human nature, can be beautiful, but it doesn’t take long to see that it can also be very cruel. I will yet do some communing with Nature, including human nature, but I’ll never again let my spirit trust it wholeheartedly. I guess that my ex taught me in more ways than one just how bittersweet the world can be, how we can never fully trust the seductive beauty that life presents us from time to time. I suppose that we all learn that lesson in one way or another: some of us through illness, some through career failure, crime, war, and other forms of tragedy. The deep woods are a good place to ponder all of that — so long as you have your survival gear with you.